That's the second line from the title quote of my blog, a favorite by Tolkien. Traveling alone as a woman is really hard to do. I try not to complain about it too much, but these things get to me after a while... Here's a journal entry I wrote:
"Today I stopped by our office, to say hello and check on a few things for next week. The team was asking me on different occasions about my plans and my next steps, and two of the guys told me I needed to stay here in South Sudan and get married. I went through all the usual protests - I'm too young, I'm not ready, I require only one husband + one wife (no girlfriends or second wives), and on and on. Here's what Elias told me:
"Are you older than 18? I think you are old enough for marriage."
"In South Sudan, production [having kids] is a gift - we do not limit the gift to two or three."
"When you only have 2 children, people here view you as having no children at all."
I mentioned that I think having many wives would make a bit of trouble for the man, and Elias said, "Trouble is what makes us men."
Then I was talking to Chan, and he asked if I could please get married to a South Sudanese. I asked him a bit more about why, and turns out he wants to be my negotiator. I asked if he's been very happy in his marriage, and that's why he wanted me to experience the same - Chan told me he has no cows, but if he is my negotiator, then he would of course get a percentage of what I earn and then he can get married too."
Here in Jordan, I am very careful to dress modestly - no skirts above my knees, shoulders always covered, clothing mostly loose and formless. Let me tell you, this does not make for good gym motivation! But I still get stared at - leered at - like a hooker on Saturday night. The men hiss at me, beep at me, yell things at me in English and Arabic, and it's not just me - my pregnant friend gets yells and stares too. I find it most ironic on Fridays, which are supposed to be holy days here! I'm not so naive to think that this is the only country where this happens, but it really makes it uncomfortable to be here. Come on, Middle East, surely you can do better.
It's strange to think that women are seen as property in so many countries. The whole idea that women are lesser, therefore they shouldn't mind being shoved aside in lines at the grocery store, or that foreign women are basically all loose women - it's so wrong. This morning at breakfast, I had the maitre d' seat me at a booth with a high wall on one side so that I wouldn't be stared at by all the men at breakfast. It mostly worked.
To fortify myself, I always think back to my Aunt Chris's story about some men speaking derrogatory comments about her in Venezuela, to which she turned around and punched one of them in the face. This story gives me some strength, strength to hold my head high, ignore the comments, and clutch at the dignity I have left. Different people react differently to these sorts of situations - I am learning just how much of this I can take before I snap.
"Today I stopped by our office, to say hello and check on a few things for next week. The team was asking me on different occasions about my plans and my next steps, and two of the guys told me I needed to stay here in South Sudan and get married. I went through all the usual protests - I'm too young, I'm not ready, I require only one husband + one wife (no girlfriends or second wives), and on and on. Here's what Elias told me:
"Are you older than 18? I think you are old enough for marriage."
"In South Sudan, production [having kids] is a gift - we do not limit the gift to two or three."
"When you only have 2 children, people here view you as having no children at all."
I mentioned that I think having many wives would make a bit of trouble for the man, and Elias said, "Trouble is what makes us men."
Then I was talking to Chan, and he asked if I could please get married to a South Sudanese. I asked him a bit more about why, and turns out he wants to be my negotiator. I asked if he's been very happy in his marriage, and that's why he wanted me to experience the same - Chan told me he has no cows, but if he is my negotiator, then he would of course get a percentage of what I earn and then he can get married too."
Here in Jordan, I am very careful to dress modestly - no skirts above my knees, shoulders always covered, clothing mostly loose and formless. Let me tell you, this does not make for good gym motivation! But I still get stared at - leered at - like a hooker on Saturday night. The men hiss at me, beep at me, yell things at me in English and Arabic, and it's not just me - my pregnant friend gets yells and stares too. I find it most ironic on Fridays, which are supposed to be holy days here! I'm not so naive to think that this is the only country where this happens, but it really makes it uncomfortable to be here. Come on, Middle East, surely you can do better.
It's strange to think that women are seen as property in so many countries. The whole idea that women are lesser, therefore they shouldn't mind being shoved aside in lines at the grocery store, or that foreign women are basically all loose women - it's so wrong. This morning at breakfast, I had the maitre d' seat me at a booth with a high wall on one side so that I wouldn't be stared at by all the men at breakfast. It mostly worked.
To fortify myself, I always think back to my Aunt Chris's story about some men speaking derrogatory comments about her in Venezuela, to which she turned around and punched one of them in the face. This story gives me some strength, strength to hold my head high, ignore the comments, and clutch at the dignity I have left. Different people react differently to these sorts of situations - I am learning just how much of this I can take before I snap.
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